I CAN MOONWALK!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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