Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
