I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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