FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
