Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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