omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
