I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
