Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
