i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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