I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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