She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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