I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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