There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
