she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
