i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They are going to name an STD after you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
