I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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