You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
