im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Actions speak louder than pants.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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