I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
