Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
organizing the empties. That sober.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
