Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
