I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
