She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
