i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
