I should be sponsored by Trojan
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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