i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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