i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
