it wasn't lemon gatorade
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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