apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
