I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
