i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
