What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
