would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
