Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize