Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We have started to decorate penises.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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