Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
