i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
