Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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