I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
