I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
