I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
