I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
