i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
