Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
