i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
