Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
