he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it glows. i had to have it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
