Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
