dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
