Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
