I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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