some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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