HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
