she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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