exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
