I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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