why do cheetos always look like penises
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you inspire me to be a worse person
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
