absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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