So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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