either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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