i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
