I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
3 2 1 whiskey
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
