Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize