I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
