I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
