Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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