I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
God, I missed his penis.
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