Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
