fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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