Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
