Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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