the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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