a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have fence marks all over my body
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
