There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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