Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
