um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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